1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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