I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
