The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
