It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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