my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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