I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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