ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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