I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Randomize
