is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
