Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
