think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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