She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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