The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
