She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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