And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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