Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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