yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
