Pants 0. Shit 1.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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