i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
