We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
