My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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