My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize