the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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