We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
