So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
