i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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