i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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