Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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