Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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