...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The adults are the big ones right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
