Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
