your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
