No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
