Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
