I think i peed on brittanys purse
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My cat gives me a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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