News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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