New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
