you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
