They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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