my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
