He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
