I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Terrible idea I love it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
