I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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