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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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