I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
