last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
