I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
