oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
