If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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