im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm at about main and main street
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
