She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
