I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They took my balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
