I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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