No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Use "feeling words"
Yay
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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