I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
