When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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