I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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