Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
