She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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