i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
