isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
