so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
