she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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