Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
