Swine flu. Run for my life!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
