the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
