I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
