I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
