No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
