You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
