I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's get the cat blown out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
