My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
