I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
