Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
