Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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