Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
