I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
