did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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